Matrescence

 

MATRESCENCE – the birth of the divine new YOU

“The transition a woman goes through when her whole identity shifts with Mamahood … this is the birth of the divine new YOU”

I was never told about matrescence. I had a midwife visit a few times after I gave birth, but I didn’t have a non-medical professional to help fill the gap with emotional and physical support during my life-changing transition, and rite of passage into Motherhood.

Matrescence is likened to adolescence. Adolescence is the transition of a child to an adult and there isn’t a single person on the planet who can avoid it. It affects every part of your mind, body, spirit and soul. It’s a process that we all must move through, influencing your hormones, your physical body, your mental way of thinking, the way you view the world and the way the world views you.

Matrescence has very similar effects and it doesn’t matter who you are in this world, if you become a mother you will go through matrescence just like adolescence. It will affect every part of your body; your core identity, your body, your hormones, the way you look at the world and the way the world looks at you.

Matrescence, just like adolescence is the emergence of a whole new identity.

It’s the missing link, the forgotten transition of Womanhood. Understanding this ancient yet thoroughly modern insight into Motherhood will change everything. It will explain that pull to be there for your child’s every moment, yet also the craving for your independence. It will ease and even stop the guilt and the comparison and allow you to soften into the gift of Motherhood. It’s called matrescence: the radical identity shift a woman goes through as she becomes a Mother.

• We can do it all.
• We can be the mama and have the life we built.
• Nothing will change; I won’t change.
• I can have it all.

This is what our mothers did, and this is what Society promises us. Then we have our baby and in that one moment everything changes; there is a shift (some take longer than others).

We think we can compartmentalise who we are at work and the mother we are at home, being able to switch between work and play and then of course turn on the passion at night. We see ourselves as robotic in nature (and don’t forget our “to do” list – so long and loud that we walk around half conscious – are we even present with anything?). Society expects us to raise our families and be all that we were before as well (and to be honest, so do we!).

We women feel like we are just meant to add “mother” to our resume without adjusting anything else on the list or making room for that “just mama”.

In the workspace we are expected to return after a very brief maternity leave, coming back as the same person as if nothing has happened. We become Super Women in the process, we wear the badge of Busy Honour, we are the perfect “everything” and push our needs aside (we become the martyr).

Mamahood and matrescence: it’s about our emotional system being upgraded. How incredible is this! It is hormonally-determined and is biologically more profound then adolescence. Through the transition of matrescence we have more new brain cells than the upgrade in adolescence. We all know that feeling of being over-cautious, over-sensitive, our sense of smell and taste is next level, even our stress awareness is upgraded. Biologically, we are meant to experience stress, caution and sensitivity as these are for the protection of our baby. Imagine being out in the wild where we would be protecting our child against predators, now we protect her from family and friends. If our baby is are about to eat something that has gone off, we need to be able to sniff that out and protect him. Or, consider a burning home for example, our sense of smell is heightened so we can be the first to get our child to safely. It’s all biological and the direct result of this upgrade. We know that oxytocin is not just for the birth of our child, it’s a hormone that plays a huge role in our connection to our baby. Through our transition we go from being “Me” to” We”. That’s why, as new mamas, we might find it hard to watch the inevitably negative events on the daily news – we experience this greater purpose to serve etc and beg the question, “what would the world look like if we all thought like this? We wouldn’t have these problems we are facing in the world.

Questions most asked

• Is it ok if we don’t love it all
• Are we still a “good” mama if we still want to do more in this world?
• Is it ok to change our minds (about our dreams, what we have worked for, what we stood for etc)?
• Are we successful if we stop loving our careers and stay at home to care for our children?
• Is there equal partnership in your relationship? Or why is (it) all left up to the mama?

…… and the big question we ask ourselves ………WHO AM I NOW ANYWAY? When we lose our identity we ask ourselves, “who am I now and how do all the pieces fit”?

It’s an all-encompassing transition to Mamahood and it affects all areas of your life. Mamahood changes you – every cell, every fibre, of your being!

Physical, emotional, societal, spiritual. It’s a massive identity shift and until now, in our culture, there has been little acknowledgement of this. We are expected that after a year we will go back to what we used to be, just adding “mother” to our list.

Matrescence is the emergence of a whole new identity and it’s unavoidable – MOTHER. A birth of a whole new you in every possible way. I’m here for you and to support you in this process. I believe we need to change the way we view Motherhood and especially the process of this transition because being overwhelmed and burnt out isn’t good for you, your family, or the Earth.

We don’t need to do this deep, inner searching on our own, especially when we are experiencing broken sleep, endless feeding, relationship changes and even struggles. It’s not right we are fed the line “it’s just Mamahood”, “it will pass”.

This is the birth of the divine new YOU!

It is all about identity and you will never be the same as you were before. Your identity has changed forever. We need to hold this space for each other. We Mamas all go through this and remember, some of us find it easier than others and that’s ok. If we support then we find moving through this time feeling held, supported and connected. Maybe we should look at it as this powerful time to rise and awaken / re-prioritise / re-define – then we may have a different generation of children. If we can’t acknowledge the cracks how can we let the light in.

It is the birth of YOU …. Motherhood is a spiritual awakening and if we see it this way, this is where we find our sense of self. Welcome to the NEW YOU!

We not only birth a baby, we birth a Mama as we transition into our “matrescence” (the process of becoming a Mother). 

 

I want every Newborn Mama’s postpartum experience to be transformative and supportive in a way that truly nourishes and nurtures her. I believe if you nurture the Mother in the first forty days, you nurture the home for the next forty years. With me by your side and in your home, you will come out of this strong, intuitive, capable, assured, heard, held and prepared, ready to embrace mothering a newborn so that you can enjoy your postpartum experience. As your Doula I will nurture you, Mama, so you can nurture your baby … welcome to your Golden Month, your sacred window.